


I Ain't Got Time to Waste

by StarryKitty013



Series: Peter Parker’s (unbeatable) Disprovement Method [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amusment Parks, BAMF Peter Parker, Fury is so done, Gen, Genius Peter Parker, Humor, I NEEDED THIS, Interrogation, Latvian, Medical Inaccuracies, One Shot Collection, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter should prob get some sleep, Sleep Deprivation, Some angst, Teenagers, Vines, and take care of himself, creative arrsonism, inaccurate science, no beta we die like men, no spoilers in the household, not canon complint, spontaneous surgery, super senses, their relationship is hilarious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-06-24 03:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19715236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryKitty013/pseuds/StarryKitty013
Summary: Peter Parker’s Unofficially Official Library to dealing with Nick Fury’s bullshit





	1. Peter Parker’s Official Guide to: Not Blowing Up a Theme Park

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the surprise!! I'm just 'bout to leave so here is something I threw together. It's not that good but it's cute and I wanted to make a part of a bigger series.  
> So this is a bunch of Oneshots of Fury and Peter mostly before ‘Just gonna let em hate’ but once that’s finished it can be after, and maybe even during (I’ll put down what Chapter it takes place after/in if it’s that last one). You don’t need to read the fic (at least for this first one, I’ll tell you if you do) but like, it would make me happy if you did!! But also like it’s almost over 200000 words and it’s a little over half way done as of now.  
> I was going to post a separate Oneshot collection for Team Red and the main fic, but I feel like there aren’t enough Fury and Peter fics for some reason. Their relationship is hilarious so I don’t know why??? This is the birth of my desires (that sounded weird but I’m not gonna untype it).  
> Enjoy!

**Peter Parker’s Official Guide to: Not Blowing Up a Theme Park**

Tony Stark is not easily surprised.

He has built his way out of imprisonment in Afghanistan, almost died because of some radioactive shit he put in his heart, saved the world from an alien invasion (multiple times), joined a team of glorified policemen in brightly coloured spandex, faked his death (multiple times), unofficially adopted a kid he found in a shack in Tennessee, almost destroyed the world (then saved it), built a super baby with another genius man, almost lost all his friends to the government,  _ officially _ adopted a kid he found in the shack in Tennessee, and become a questionably good father.

It was safe to say that he had seen and been through a lot more than an average human. 

He’s met even weirder people than him including ,but not exclusive to: an American war hero from the 40s who still punches aliens, a genius doctor with mean green anger issues, a literal god(s), a weird spy who likes living in his air ducts and throwing sticks, a scary Russian spy who he knows virtually nothing about, a man who dresses up in a metal bird costume and is somehow all their impromptu therapist, and another Russian spy from the 40s who was brainwashed by evil Russians/German scientists and lived with a richer than him kitty king in Africa. He’s also met a teenager with spider powers and a questionable moral compass.

And it was because of that last reason that Tony Stark was awestruck right now.

OoO

**_3 hours earlier..._ **

Adopting Harley was never a question.

Tony knew that he wasn’t cut out to be a parent. He wasn’t cut out for a lot of things. He wasn’t responsible or sensible in his decisions. He was a recovering alcoholic. He had PTSD that was as big as the worm hole he’d gone into in 2012. Hell, Harley had seen him have a panic attack even before he adopted him because he didn’t have mostly anything in his life under control. 

His dad had been borderline abusive and neglected him when he didn’t chastise him. Tony promised to never be like that when he signed the papers to adopt Harley. Harley said that was good enough. But Tony didn’t want to just be good enough. He was Tony Stark, he wasn’t good enough, he was usually the best at what he did (not really but that’s what he likes to believe).

Sure, he knew what being a parent entailed (thanks to Clint, Scott and about a million online parenting books). He knew that meant going to his science fairs (and they were cool cause he would go to that nerd school in Midtown and crush whatever nerd experiments were there because his kid was no dumbass), helping him through trauma (of losing his only family due to them walking out on a 15 year old kid in a shed in Rose Hill Tennessee), talking about girls (which he could do  _ a lot _ of, but he didn’t think Pepper would appreciate him breeding a young Tony Stark- he hoped she wouldn’t mind him breeding their child into a hero like he is now but he knows he still has a lot of work to do before he warned that title), and occasionally chaperoning a field trip. 

This year it was the back to school trip to Hershey Park for the decathlon team. They had just finished their summer competitions in Pittsburgh and to make some new friends at his school Harley decided to join the team for their summer activities before the school year. Michelle Jones and Ned Leeds recommended it (They were two interns at SI for the summer, but they were so brilliant that Tony and Pepper were gonna ask them to stay throughout the school year). Harley was initially nervous, so Tony said he’d tag along with them. 

Tony  _ would’ve _ rented the whole park out for the day, but he didn’t upon Harley’s request. 

He would really regret not doing that in a few hours.

OoOoO

“Do I  _ really _ have to go on this mission?”

Nick Fury rolled his eyes as he signalled to change lanes. Peter Parker was in his passenger seat slouching and playing an outdated game on his outdated consuel (“ _ It’s a DS you uncultured swine”-Peter Parker) _ . Poke-something that Fury didn’t care about. “I need an assist incase things go south, and I wanna see just how good your nose is.” Fury told him without looking at the boy. He knew Peter was pouting though.

Parker had been unofficially going on Avengers missions for about 3 months now. Fury didn’t know about Peter’s complete powerset yet. He knew that the kid had his weird sticky thing and superstrength and was unusually smart. He also knew about Peter’s enhanced senses, since they didn’t have a biological based sensor on the Avengers team, he could be an asset on stealth and retrieve missions. If his senses were as good as Fury thought they were. 

This mission was low key. Some idiot decided to plant a bomb in a crowd dense area and they needed to find and stop it before it happened without causing a rise to panic. It by no mean entailed calling the Avengers but it was the perfect mission to find out more about how Peter Parker worked. At least by a standpoint.

“So this is all just like a test?” Peter asked sitting up a little, Fury could see out of the corner of his eye that the kid was looking at him with an inquisitive look that made him look like a puppy. Fury would never admit it, but the kid was adorable even though he didn’t know it. He was almost like a lost puppy when he didn’t know what to do (which wasn’t often) or had a question (he had a lot of questions, most of the time though they were stupid and asked only to piss him off). He was the definition of looks can be deceiving (and he thought that was Romanovs Job) because he was cute and unsuspecting but lethal. He looked like an average boring kid, never drawing attention to himself in public without his mask, but he was probably one of the most dangerous people on this planet.

And right now he was slouching in his chair trying to beat the Electric type gym leader in Pokémon:Black. 

“Basically, plus I can’t use any mechanical scanners for this.” Fury said to him “And I’ve heard you’re better than a bloodhound.” Peter crossed his arms and pouted as he slumped back in his seat.

“That’s Red.” he grumbled and opened his game again. “Where are we going anyways?” Peter asked casually, spamming the A button to finish a move on the rodent on the screen.

“Hershey Park.” Fury responded.

Somehow Peter fell out of his seat.

OoOoO

**_Present…_ **

Tony has a weak heart.

Again, things don’t usually surprise him but the things that do nearly give him a heart attack. 

Aliens don’t give Tony heart attacks.

Seeing expensive bills don’t give Tony heart attacks.

Seeing Nick Fury and Peter Parker casually looking at  _ Storm Runner _ gave him a fucking heart attack.

It’s not that he doesn’t like them (he doesn’t, but that’s not why his heart fucking stopped), it’s just that whenever Nick Fury is around, it always means someting  _ really _ bad happened. And when Nick Fury was with Peter Parker (aka Spiderman) it meant some  _ really really _ bad is going to happen. There aren’t a lot of things that get Spidey out of his comfy home of New York City, and Avengers mission were (the only) one of them. There was no way Nick Fury, the director of SHIELD, was taking Peter Parker, New York’s resident menace, to Hershey Park for a free day. Especially on the same day Tony Stark was there. It wasn’t a coincidence.

“Why did you drag me here?” He heard Fury ask the boy in an exasperated tone. 

“You dragged  _ me _ here, and if you’re gonna interrupt my Pokemon binge the least you can do is take me to see the birthplace of a vine.” Peter said ending his words with a dreamy tone as he looked up at the ride that shot off another round of tourists.

“The birthplace of a  _ what _ ?” Fury asked and Tony rolled his eyes. He had a kid so he understood half of what he was saying (also he was the number one tech guy of the millennium. Of course he’d know what a vine is, he just didn’t understand the youths’ addiction to it).

“The birthplace- of heh- a ugh!” Peter huffed unable to believe Fury’s ignorance to whatever the hell he was talking about so much that he couldn’t speak for a minute “This is holy ground good  _ sir _ . I will not have you tarnish it with your arrogance.” he stamped his foot lightly. Tony was a little surprised, he had never seen Parker act this much like a child. 

Sure, Peter acted like a kid to them when they were in battle fields. Not listening to orders, making witty jokes, being a general nuisance. But for a teenager, he was actually quite mature when compared to others. This was the first time that Tony had actually seen him act like a child.

“Look kid, you need to come down from whatever high your on because we have an important mission to-” Fury was cut off by Stark casually strolling up and making his presence known.

“Ride?” Tony asked as he cut in and both males turned to him. Fury was unsurprised, Peter was a little confused but mostly unsurprised.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter asked at the same time as Fury greeted with a curt, drawn out “Stark.”

“Good afternoon gentlemen.” he greeted back in a mock pleasant tone. Peter looked back and forth between Fury and Tony facing off in a subtle standoff. They couldn’t draw attention to themselves but luckily this was a more secluded part of the park.

“Wait you knew he was gonna be here?” Peter asked, finally settling on Fury, who didn’t answer as he continued with his barrage of questions. “Then why am I here? Wait, why are  _ you _ here?” he directed to Tony as he pointed at the man.

“Probably, don’t know, and fieldtrip.” Tony answered as he peered down at the kid who looked back up at him with slightly wide eyes. They almost reminded him of the innocent look of a normal kid (...okay that’s kind of sad.)

“Fieldtrip?” Peter asked as he cocked his head slightly. “But the school year hasn’t even started for your kid.” He told him. Tony bristled, how the fuck had he known that? Peter was an enigma, he knew things that he shouldn’t. Just like a lot of people in his life, more than he’d like to be comfortable with but what was he gonna do. There was just something about a  _ kid _ knowing these things.

“How would you know that?” Tony narrowed his eyes and Peter shrugged vaguely. He didn’t seem that concerned or threatened by Tony’s suspicious gaze.

“Not that hard to find out.” Peter said and Tony looked at Fury with a raised brow.

“You sure he isn’t yours?” Tony asked to him, Fury glared at him“He’s got the arrogance down to the  _ t _ .” he smirked smugly. The other man looked mildly impressed with his boldness, but mostly annoyed. 

“Does he  _ look _ like mine, Stark?” Fury asked with a raised brow and crossed arms. Tony held his hands up in surrender as a way to say fair enough. Peter looked slightly uncomfortable.

“What are you doing here?” Peter asked changing the subject back to the original topic.

“I could ask you the same thing Parker.” Tony crossed his arms and looked back down at the kid, he remained unwavered.

“I asked first.” he crossed his arms childishly the same way. He didn’t smile like he usually would though, he just remained looking inquisitive. It almost looked cute.

“Fieldtrip.” He huffed again. “Harley joined the decathlon team and they took a trip to Hershey after crushing that no name school in Pittsburg.” Tony said proudly and Peter paled a little. Tony couldn’t fathom why, but somehow it intrigued him.

“Midtown..decathlon…” he mumbled as Fury cut in smoothly as Parker seemed incapable of speaking in anything more than a mumble. Tony wished he knew what he said, because then he could use this trick more often.

“We are undercover. There were reports of an explosive being planted in one of the rides.” Fury said and it was Tony’s turn to pale “We believe on a timer, but we don’t know for when.” Fury continued as of Tony wasn’t rendered slightly speechless.

“Why would someone wanna blow up an amusement park?” Tony mumbled and Fury raised a brow. Tony glared at him but didn’t speak anymore so Fury could answer the question.

“Because someone was probably tipped off that  _ you’d _ be here.” Fury said back like it was obvious. That made sense. Sometimes he hated being famous and hated by half the world. It was at times like these he regretted being an irresponsible man child for so long and getting people carelessly and unnecessarily hurt.

“Okay, so why didn’t you tell me. I could’ve had FRIDAY scan and evacuate the-” Tony started and only glanced at Parker. What could this kid do that he couldn’t do ten times better with a machine? Why would Fury bring him over any other agent? He was just a rebellious child.

“No can do. We don’t wanna cause a panic.” Fury said in his usual way “and you don’t have a very subtle way of doing things.” Fury said in a matter of fact way, but before Tony could retort Peter spoke in a low tone.

“Panic saves people Fury.” Peter mumbled and Tony didn’t have to like the kid to agree with him. Panic did save people and Tony was a naturally flashy person. He flew around in a metal suit for god sake, and how was Spiderman any less subtle. The colors he wore were two steps away from being neon.

“Yes, but also we already scanned the area. No read outs, so we have to use the old fashioned way.” Fury said and looked at Peter. Tony did the same with an incredible face.

“The old fashioned...?” Tony asked looking at Peter who huffed and crossed his arms again but looked away to the ground.

“Super senses.” Fury answered and Tony almost laughed out loud. It was hard because he was visibly holding it back and that seemed to upset Parker a little.

“How will  _ super senses _ help you find a bomb?” he smirked and Peter glared. 

“Actually, it would make sense to use it instead of scanning because the bomb couldn’t be a bomb at all but like an everyday mechanism that, when used incorrectly, could be a substitute for a bomb.” Peter said in a matter of fact way that only had Tony  _ slightly _ impressed. “Besides Dare Devil smelled a bomb before my scanners could even boot up once. So there.” Peter turned slightly and huffed again.

“Okay, but how do  _ your  _ super senses factor in now?” Tony asked, not mentioning how Peters scanners may have been crap because they were probably made from scraps anyway. He didn’t want to admit that the Spider-Man gear was slightly impressive from being made out of junk though; kid had a talent. To bad it was wasted because he could’ve gone far with the right materials instead of trash.

“If it’s on purpose than something has to change.” Fury told him. Tony didn’t understand it but Peter picked up on it and explained.

“Like, if I were the bomber, and I’m not, I would rig one of these rides - which has a more than 600 horsepowers and are either powered by electricity or gasoline - with a less stable fuel or mix in some chemical to make it unstable.” Peter told him and Tony as only mildly concerned but mostly impressed. That was actually good thinking, like outside of the box. Guess that’s what you might expect from a borderline criminal but what was he gonna do?

“We think that the fuel or chemical won’t be released until later today, so it gives us time to find the ride and shut them down before that can happen.” Fury picked up with the impromptu mission briefing “We hacked into the system and found out what fuels the rides need so all we have to do is go around and find out what smells odd.” He glanced at Peter again.

“Okay, what do you need me to do?” Tony asked, hoping it would be nothing.

“Don’t ride anything, it might give our little arsonist a reason to strike.” Fury said and Peter smirked a little. Tony huffed. Jokes on them, this is what he wanted. But he also knew his anxiety would spike with the not knowing and if they did find the bomber then it was less than 50 percent chance that they’d actually tell him. So much for a relaxing day at the amusement park.

“Fine. I’m getting a cone.” he said and as he walked away he heard Peter mumble:

“Oh, that sounds good.” but he never heard him ask Fury for the food as the older man walked away leaving Peter to follow behind him like a lost puppy.

For the record, it was a damn good cone.

OoOoO

The next time they ran into Stark, Peter literally looked like a five year old in candy land.

The kid was looking every which way like there was something new every time. He looked up at every ride with the same enthusiasm even though he knew he couldn’t ride it. They stayed mostly in the shady unpopulated parts, and they may not have had access to the back entrances for ‘employees only’ but that didn’t stop them. Fury was a spy, he could get into a silly amusement park maintenance room. Parker wasn’t bad himself, although he insisted on not needing to go in he could smell the propine just fine from outside the door. 

“Why are you do hyper Parker?” Fury asked in an irritable voice as he watched the kid look around in wonder. “I didn’t give you any sugar today.” he thought back, and he had made sure not to give the kid any food since he picked him up early this morning.

“I dunno, never been to an amusement park before.” he said as he bounced a little in his step, and that’s when Stark pulled up. The  _ Great Bear _ was just around the corner and Tony was waiting in the shade sipping lemon water he had bought at one of the stands.

“That’s not obvious.” he grumbled and the two turned to him. Fury rolled his eyes and Peter remained unbothered.

“What are you doing here?” Fury put his hands on his hips. “You’re going to blow our cover.” he insisted, even though they knew it wasn’t true. Stark couldn’t blow Nick Fury’s cover if he tried. Tony shrugged in response.

“I can’t go on any rides.” he said and tilted his head down to look at Parker over the glasses. “Have you really never been on a rollercoaster before.”

“I’ve been on the Cyclone.” Peter mumbled as he ducked and blushed. Tony raised a brow, Fury rolled his eyes and stuck out his leg to wait for them to finish. 

“Yeah, but what about amusement park?” Tony pressed a little and Peter looked up a little in thought then looked back at Stark with hesitant eyes.

“Does Coney Island count?” Peter asked tentatively. There was something sad behind his tone. Fury didn’t make it his business to know what that meant.

“Not in Summer, it’s basically a permanent Carnival in the summer.” Tony said to him with a nonchalant look. He was right, Coney Island was basically a glorified boardwalk.

“Then no.” Peter crossed his arms and huffed. Tony hummed a little and Fury didn’t like that sound. It meant that Stark was planning something and when he planned something that usually meant Fury had to clean up the mess he made afterward.

“This isn’t a joy ride Parker. You’re here to work.” Fury reminded the kid and he slumped only a little. Tony looked like he felt somewhat bad for him. “So get your head out of the clouds and pay attention, you haven’t been doing much but look at the ground and sky since we got here.” Peter glared at Fury.

“You woke me up at five and you didn’t even give me  _ anything _ to eat today. I’m  _ tired. _ ” Peter mumbled reminding his stomach that he went since yesterday without eating causing it to rumble. Damn his super metabolism. He knew Fury heard it and the man just scoffed. Tony got up and tutted at the man.

“No, no Fury. Now that’s  _ bad  _ parenting.” Tony mocked his scolding tone cause both Peter and Fury to glare at him.

“He/I doesn’t/don’t need to be parented.” Fury and Peter said respectively at the same time. Peter huffed at the end and Fury crossed his arms. Tony almost laughed at how similar they looked. 

“Okay.” Tony held up his hands in surrender. “ But he needs some food he looks like he’s gonna keel over.” Tony pointed to the pale boy and Peter tried a light glare but Tony saw him press his arms into his stomach a bit more confirming his belief. Tony was no expert, but he was pretty sure the kid had a super metabolism, even if he didn’t he still had a teenager metabolism (which Tony knew from having a teen, was  _ ravones _ ). 

“Fine, go get yourself some food Parker.” Fury waved off but the child remained put. Fury raised a brow at him as Peter ducked his head.

“I don’t have any money.” he grumbled and Fury whirled at him full force. He looked pissed beyond belief, which was kind of stupid because it was just a (over priced) meal.

“Why didn’t you bring any money?” he nearly yelled at the kid, and the child retaliated by.

“You said it was a quick mission and I don’t exactly have the most lucrative job to waste my money on overpriced amusement park food! Have you seen the prices here, their jacked up 200%!” Peter pointed to his cup of lemonade “I mean he basically paid 8 dollars for a glas of ice water and half a lemon. How screwed up is that.” Peter snapped back. The kid did have a point.

“Ah, the price of fine dining.” Tony sipped his lemon water. Peter scoffed at him as he crossed his arms.

“It’s not  _ fine _ ! I can make the same thing for less than 2 dollars and mass produce it.” Peter huffed and crossed his arms over his stomach again. Tony rolled his eyes.

“So you’ll starve to make a point?” Fury raised a brow. Peter looked a little more hesitant in that front but still responded.

“I always starve to make a point.” Peter huffed in usual manner. Fury rolled his eyes again at the teen.

“Whatever, at least your senses aren’t impacted by this and you can get back to your job.” Fury looked at Peter who had adopted a guilty blush on his face that made Tony want to laugh out loud. “You have got to be kidding me?!” The one eyed man fumed.

“It’s not my fault! Red takes the blood hound jobs, I don’t usually have to follow my senses this closely.” Peter tried to defend. “My senses are weird.” he said and looked to the ground to his left. There was something else in his tone. Tony was about to comment on it when Fury beat him to the punch.

“Whatever. You’re getting some food.” Fury stalked away to find something to eat and Peter rolled his eyes and followed him. 

“Bye you two, have fun.” Tony mocked as they left. Peter turned a waved a little with a small smile on his face that Tony thought was weird but shrugged it off.

“I stole his credit card.” Peter mumbled as he caught up to the other man and gave it to Fury as he smirked.

“Nice job kid.” 

OoOoO

It was 8 hours later that Tony noticed his credit card was missing. 

By then most of the crowd had cleared out and Tony was on a hunt for one Peter Parker. The park was nearly cleared out because of closing time. It wasn’t that hard to find him as he was outside a deserted ride, looking at it like it had offended him. No one was anywhere in sight around him.

“Parker!” he yelled and stalked up to the boy.

“This is the last one.” he mumbled to himself as he looked down at his phone. Tony stopped. 

“Parker?” he said more quietly as he came closer. The kid looked genuinely distraught. Peter glanced at him and handed his credit card over wordlessly.

“Thanks for lunch.” he mumbled distractedly. 

“What’s wrong?” Tony asked taking the card without much thought. 

“I’ve checked all the rides twice.” he mumbled more to himself. “I even scanned them all, but there is nothing weird about the rides. They are functioning completly normal and none of the fuel has been tampered with.” Peter said and then he went board stright.

“Where is Fury?” Tony asked and Peter slumped.

“He went to clear out the residents and called Hershey.” Peter answered “Today went normal except for a few maintanence errorsthat need the Park to close down early today.” Peter fed him the lie they told everyone.

“I should check if Midtown is evacuating.” Tony said to him and Peter nodded once before his back went boardstraight and he sprinted off to the left. Tony was bewildered and decided to run after him. 

Man that kid could run fast. They ended up on the complete opposite side of the Park, near  _ Fahrenheit _ . Peter looked up at the ride as it was about to go for it’s last go around. He put on a spiderman mask and pulled up his black hoodie and swung up onto the ride without a word. Tony called his suit to him but it’d take 15 seconds for it to arrive. 

“What’s going on?” he asked as he logged into the comms and had FRIDAY hack into Peter’s link.

“I smell  Aziroazide azide .” Peter said to him.

“Aziro… wait FRIDAY what the hell is that?!” he asked and Peter groaned and he could almost hear the kid roll his eyes in his tone.

“It’s a compound made mostly of Nitrogen with different ions.” Peter answered instead of FRIDAY.

“Yep, he’s right boss. It is mainly made in a lab in  the Klapötke lab at Munich, it was to highlight their accomplishments in the field of nitrotetrazole oxides. It is highly explosive.” FRIDAY informed.

“Nitrogen is odorless though. How could you smell it?!” Tony asked

“Oh please.” Peter scoffed “I’m so stupid.” he heard the kid mumble to himself as he swung up to stop the 58 mile per hour ride. It had just reached the top of its climax when Peter pulled it back with his webs and the suit finally decended giving Tony five seconds to get into it. “I was checking for Carbon…” he beratted himself, Tony ignored it. 

“FRIDAY scan.” he said as he flew over and before FRIDAY could confirm.

“At the bottom of the drop!” Peter said as if he wasn’t holding back a probably over thousand pounds of people and metal. Tony flew down and grabbed the box of distructive chemical. 

“FRIDAY, manual override the car and activate the emergency brake.” The ride stopped trying to go forward and left the inhabentns screaming as Peter let go of his webs and swung down and Iron Man landed in front of the ride operator who was trying to make a getaway.

He ended up bumping into Nick Fury himself.

“Of course, it was Nitrogen.” came a voice as the man was pinned down by webs.

“I believe you have a lot of explaining to do.” Fury said and crossed his arms as Spiderman flipped down and Iron Man clanked behind him, the man cowered in fear.

“Man, I love this job!” 

OoOoO

**_1 hour later..._ **

“That’s so cool!” Ned said on the ride back.

“I can’t believe someone planted a bomb on the ride.” MJ replied. Tony had just finished regaling MJ, Ned and Harley on the tale of how Iron Man and Spider Man saved Hershey park.

“Not that! I meant that we were in the same vicinity as Spider Man for the whole day and didn’t even know it!” Ned said and Harley scoffed.

“He’s not as cool as Iron Man.” Tony smirked at his son and went back to pretending not to listen.

“Yeah, but Spiderman is so like...mysterious.” Ned said. Tony couldn’t help but think back to all of Peter’s weird reactions throughout the day. But even weirder, how he was willing spending it and having a kind of good time with Nick Fury. How he switched from a poor kid who couldn’t afford a smoothie to a superhero who didn’t let anyone deter him. Weird kid.

“He’s a mystery all right.” 

  
  



	2. Peter Parker’s Official Pamphlet to: Interrogating someone while being sleep deprived as fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Parker is insomnias bitch’ -Nick Fury (2019)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. so I had this ready to go like 9 days ago and like I just didn't post it???  
> I'm not gonna beat around the bush guys, I've been going through writer burn out. I've just been so stressed with college apps and stuff with life that I haven't gotten to sit down and really enjoy writing. LIke I have loads of ideas and prompts (which keep them coming but I'm gonna probaby smush a few prompts together because I am weird and just work that way). SO the next chapter and the sequels won't come out for at most another month. I just need some time to myself, but I'll try to get something posted in october. I'm so sorry.
> 
> Anyways, this fills cloudykitty's prompt from tumblr. I'm not gonna say it outloud but they wanted this so here it is.
> 
> This takes place before JGLEH
> 
> Enjoy!

One thing to know about Peter Parker: he did  _ not _ sleep.

The kid was a fucking vampire (with his pale skin and skelital body, he did really look like one, especially when he was upside down like bat). He would not know the definition of rest, even if it punches him in the face. Fury thinks he’s never had a full 8 hours of rest in his entire life. He doesn’t even think he’s had a consecutive 5 hours. From what he gathered in the past three months, Peter and sleep didn’t get along (he was worse than Stark and he’s only 14). 

Parker had been ‘on the team’ for about 3 months now; well not on the team so much as pulling them out of the fire before the fires happened. And then getting yelled at by not only the Avengers but the board members too. Ross seemed to particularly like to torture him. To the kids credit though, he handled it amazingly well - especially for a kid.

Fury had sent some of the Avengers to Minnisota for an undercover op, it had been a fairly easy mission. Peter had complained to him over a string of texts that he really didn’t need to be there. Unlike the Avengers, Peter had Fury’s personal number (Fury did not give him the number, he would be an absolute idiot if he gave a teenager, much less  _ Spiderman _ his personal number. The kid got his number in the traditional Spiderman like fashion, and Fury , at this point, was just glad it wasn’t Deadpool. Even if his texts were flooded with Star Wars and pirate memes that Parker only sent to piss him off). He used it on a sporadic period of time. Sometimes he’d ghost Fury for months on it, and sometimes he’d spend all night sending memes and other things to annoy him at ungodly hours of the morning. Fury was a busy man, he didn’t have time to be spammed by a fucking teenager.

Right now, for example, he was looking at the status of Coulson’s team. They were currently in the outskirts of the city that he’d sent the Avengers mission in. He knew that Coulson was still recovering from the HYDRA scandal from 2015 and trying to scrape together resources. It has been hard when the government were on their tail and especially Coulson's unauthorized mutant team and keeping them from the UN’s radar.

He had just gotten a message that Coulson had some very important information that needed to be ‘picked up’ and delivered to Fury manually.

Now he was in golden valley with a bleeding man tied up in a chair who didn’t know English but did know where the information was kept and knew only knew Latvian and it was infuriating. He couldn’t use the translator but he’d punched the guy’s face in enough through his frustration to get him to shut up. 

Latvian? Romanov was on an undercover op and even if she was still in New York, by the time she made it here the drop off time would have long passed.

Then He remembered the particular Avengers mission that would be only two more days max. It was a reletivly easy mission. But even more so it was only stationer two hours out.

It was Stark, Rogers, and Barton. But the man - or teenager in this case - he needed was what really stuck out.

_ Parker. _

So Fury knew at two in the morning the most likly to respond to him out of the four he sent on the mission for a submission was Parker. And that’s who he called first. Even if the kid was asleep, he was sure to wake up if his cell even made a buzz due to his super senses (and Cap slept like a rock). He was fairly certain that the boy wasn’t asleep though.

The call picked up on the fifth ring and Fury knew Peter had not been asleep, the kid was just wondering to ghost him or not. 

Apparently it was his lucky night, as the other end clicked as the call was picked up.

“Do you know Lativian?” He said immediately. He didn’t beat around the bush. Parker snorted.

“What kind of motherfucker  _ doesn’t  _ know Latvian _.” _ Peter said in a sarcastic voice. He doesn’t sound like he had been asleep, it sounded like he wanted to though. He probably did need it. Fury didn’t give a shit right now though.

“You need to go to Golden Valley.” Fury said curtly and Peter groaned.

“What the hell, we’re the mission was in Minneapolis. Golden Valley is like 2 hours off from our station.” Peter responded, it sounded more like a whine. 

“you think I’d call you if I gave a shit?” He was met with grumbled before he continued “I need just  _ you _ to help me get some information from Coulson’s team.” Fury said seriously and Peter huffed.

“Why not ask Stark, he’s the one with the suit that can  _ fly _ .” Peter grumbled. 

“Is Stark currently awake?” Fury asked with a bit of sass. There was a bit of a shuffle on the other end.

“No.” Peter confirmed. 

“Does Stark know Latvian?” Fury asked.

“His AI does.” Peter responded snarkily.

“Just get your scrawny ass over here before your team wakes up.” Fury said irritated. Peter conceded with a huff as the bed creak was heard and the rustling of his clothes as he went to the window.

“Why me?” Peter whined childishly. 

“Because you’re insomnias bitch, Parker.” Fury said blandly and Peter grumbled in resentment.

“Okay, send me the location jeez mr cranky pants.” He said sounding something like a teenager would.

“You’re not gonna change?” There was no way he was already suited up when he called.

“pick your battles Fury.” Peter said in a sing song voice as he jumped out of the window and landed on the roof. He pulled up his hoodie as he swung through the low buildings. Fury heard the thwips and the wind whooshing around him.

“This is professional.” Fury said curtly, knowing he already lost the battle.

“And calling me at three am to help you write your little love letter is?” Peter asked and Fury nearly coughed. Peter probably would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so tired.

“Stay on call, I don’t want to have to call you through a different IP.” Fury responded, trying to recover from the little jab. Peter rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.” he mumbled and Fury barked out a laugh. “What?” He said in almost an offended tone.

“Nothing, I’ve just never heard you talk like an  _ actual _ teenager before.” Fury said, a little amusement tinting his tone. He could almost hear Peters eye roll.

“I sass you all the time.” Peter said back. It was true, Peter was a little shit about that like always, but Fury has actually come to  _ slightly _ enjoy the fact that someone had the balls to openly sass him and call him out. Only slightly.

“This ain’t sass kid.” Fury said to him. It wasn’t the same. Sassing him to call him out and being a genuinely grumpy teenager were completely different.

“Yeah, sure.” Peter amended flippantly. Not really giving a shit “What am I even doing anyway?” Peter asked and honestly Fury wasn’t entirly sure himself. Cousin had just said it was important and complicated and Fury’s life was a little too complicated to add something else to it. He trusted Coulson though, so he figured that would be enough. He wouldn’t tell that to Parker or anyone though. He had a reputation to keep.

“Classified.” Fury responded immediately. His classic response. Peter, however, didn’t seem to appreciate it this time.

“To me or you.” Peter snarked letting the smug tone lace his voice as he changed webs.  _ He knew. _

“How’s the mission going?” Fury sloppily changed the topic and heard Peter rolled his eyes again. That was mildly confusing and irritating.

“You are a terrible conversation starter.” He commented blandly “But it’s going good. I’m still not sure why you called  _ me _ in, they can handle this without me.” Peter told him and Fury hummed in consideration.

“Experience.” Fury responded and Peter rolled his eyes again. Seriously that was getting creepy now.

“If you say so, but you know I’m not gonna be an Avenger, or officially apart of SHIELD.” Peter reminded idly and Fury rolled his eyes. Parker would never be tied down if he didn’t need to be. That was sometimes terrifying, to have a force such as Peter lose in this world like that.

“Never know kid.” Fury said back and didn’t ask anymore questions about Peter. Fury wasn’t personal with him, or anyone really. That wasn’t a thing he really liked to do.

Peter didn’t mind that in the least.

When Peter finally landed at the meeting point he cheekily smiled as he climbed in through the window (his body was small enough to fit in, he sometimes forgets that Peter was so skinny...and a kid). He was still wearing his mask but clad in a baggy oil stained starwars T-shirt and forest green plaid pajama pants. Fury glanced over as the light scars ran up and down his arms from things like knives and things that looked suspiciously like whip marks and bear trap bites, that illuminated under the passing street lights. He paid no mind to them as Peter didn’t seem self conscious about showing them this late at night.

When they got to the warehouse, it was just a big dank empty room with crates stacked up unevenly along the sides, where he kept the man in the center on a chair tied up tight and gagged. The man was bloody and his face slightly swollen from Fury’s earlier...frustrations. 

Peter gestured him to stand back half heartedly and took off the mask as he sauntered up to the man who was on alert as Peter was two steps away from him. He started to mumbled incoherent but probably vulgar things as Peter came up and took off the gag.

“Sveiki.” _ (hello there.) _ Peter said smoothly in Latvian, his voice poisonously sweet. His accent impeccable and intimidating “kā tev iet šovakar? Ērts?”  _ (how are you doing tonight? Comfy?). _ Fury didn’t know what he was saying but He sounded almost mocking. Taunting. Like smooth sweet venom seeping from his mouth. It reminded him of Romanov when she was working.

“izdrāzt tevi!”  _ (fuck you!) _ the man screamed through bloody teeth, Peters eyes narrowed and the smile dropped off his face into a more unreadable expression “Es tev neko nesaku” _ (I’m not telling you anything!) _ . Peter raised a brow at whatever he said. 

“Tātad jūs zināt, kāpēc jūsu šeit?” _ (So you know why your here.) _ Peter seemed to ask but not really ask, he seemed to be more pissed if anything “jūs zināt, ko viņš vēlas?” _ (you know what he want?) _ he pointed to Fury with a jutted put thumb back to the man. The lativian looked over and seemed to almost smirk- it didn’t work well because of the swollen lips.

“protams es zinu!“ _ (of course I know!)  _ the man snorted and Peter seem to be getting increasingly irritated with this man.

“tad kāpēc tu viņam neteici?” _ (then why didn’t you tell him?) _ Peter asked exasperatedly, he seemed a tad too irked. But then again it was like 3 in the morning “vai jūs zināt, ka tas ir kā plkst. 4:00? Es gatavojos iet gulēt, un viņš, sasodīts, lika man nākt ārā pēc divām stundām, un vai jūs varētu viņam pateikt, ko viņš visu laiku vēlas zināt?”  _ (you know it’s like 4am right? I was about to go to sleep and he fucking made me come two hours out and you could’ve told him what he wanted to know the whole time?) _ As he continued to rant Peter seemed to get increasingly more and more pissed off, he got into the man’s face and the man tried to lean back from the icy glare the boy was giving him but to no avail. The man, to his credit only seemed mildly terrified of the angry sleepy puppy child. Peter seemed to analyze the unwavering man for a second.

Then the air shifted.

Peter put a knife that he manifested out of no where and pressed it against the man’s throat just enough to draw a bubble of blood and make a slight choking sound. The air turned frigid and the aura around Peters form was dangerous and suffocating. Fury knew he should probably stop this before t escalated any further but he seemed to be frozen in place “Es vienmēr saņemu to, ko gribu” _ (I always get what I want.) _ he whispered closer to the man’s ear, his voice dangerous as the man gulped “tāpēc pasakiet man, ko es gribu zināt.” _ (so tell me what I  _ want _ to know.) _ he whispered in a deadly voice. The man’s eyes went wide as the knife pressed a little deeper, and Peters thumb dig into a pressure point on the man’s collarbone that made him gasp in frantic pain. 

“es nevaru!” _ (I can’t!) _ the man seemed genuinely terrified “viņi mani nogalinās!” _ (they’ll kill me!)  _ his voice was in near hysteria with how conflicted he was. Peter’s eyes went even colder as he quickly sliced the collarbone and dug his thumb into the cut and the man shrieked in pain. 

Torture. Fury was witnessing Spiderman...no  _ Peter  _ torture someone. A child was interrogating someone through intense and highly concentrated pain.

And he was damn good at it.

“Es varu jūs tūlīt nogalināt, ja vēlaties” _ (I can kill you right now if you’d like) _ Peter said, it sounded more like a promise. He nearly whispered it his voice was so low and threatening . The man’s eyes went unimaginably wide, Peter seemed so calm about this. “bet tas nebūs ātri. Es ienīstu ceļa braucienus un esmu pārliecināts, ka neatkarīgi no tā, ko viņi jums var darīt, neturēs man sveci.“( _ but it won’t be quick. I hate road trips and I’m sure whatever they can do to you won’t hold a candle to me.)  _ the next action was so fast Fury barley even notice it as Peter broke the man’s collarbone clean in half...from the  _ inside _ ...with his thumb. The man let out straggled cry as he gagged on his own blood. Peter’s finger was still in the skin and he pressed the bone deeper out of place as the man screamed in bloody murder. 

“tur ir mikroshēma! Stāda man mugurkaulā! Tajā ir visa nepieciešamā informācija!”  _ (there’s a chip! Planted in my spine! It has all the information you need!)  _ he screamed out and started to breathe heavily as Peter yanked his thumb out of the skin and let go harshly of the chair harshly. Fury was most certain that the man started to cry.

Fury thought he was done but instead of coming to him to tell him what he got, the kid went behind the man chair and knelt down and took a smaller knife (seriously where was he getting these. The kid was in his fucking pajamas.) and ran his finger lightly down the spine. He stopped at the base of the backbone made a little insigine there. The man let out a few cries but after Peter barked at him to “shut the fuck up.” (The kid must’ve been really tired to snap at someone even a bad guy like that. Although Fury wondered who’s morals were more questionable at this point.) he only whimpered and the sound of bones shifting slightly and squelching blood was all that was heard. Two minutes later he produced a small flash drive as the man past out, blood drooling out of his mouth. 

“Paldies!“ _ (thank you!) _ He chirped happily to the unconscious man and tossed Fury the drive with eerie casualness as he walked by. Like he hadn’t just performed a surprise surgery while the man was tied to a chair. The air in the room returned to normal temperature too.

_ What the actual fuck. _

“What the hell was that?” Fury was near frantic and Peter turned his head back at him in an unimpressed look.

“An interrogation.” He shrugged. Fury didn’t know how to respond to that. “It’s what you wanted.” He said in a deadpan. That was also true but…

“You could’ve told me where it was...you didn’t have to kill the guy.” Fury said in a carefully crafted neutral tone. 

“I didn’t kill him.” Peter said flippantly, Fury knew full well he wasn’t dead but Peter might as well have killed him. It’d be less traumatic “I wouldn’t take that long.” He shrugged and Fury’s heart stopped for a split second.

Jesus Christ, this kid.

OoOoO

He ended up getting back at 7:34am.

It was just his luck that he had swung (or climbed into the window) into the room in nothing but his PJ bottoms and an oversized sweatshirt (what he wore to bed), but this time featuring faded blood stains (but you had to squint kinda to see them. Ah the price to pay for a good interrogation) into a room with three Avengers.

Make that three  _ very  _ pissed off Avengers.

“Where have you been?” Rogers barker more than asked, with his hands on his hips like a mother catching her child steal a cookie before dinner (not that he’d know what that looked like, actually he kinda did. Neds mom did it all the time but it usually was with a more affectionate smile. Ned would always say that Peter had wanted the cookies even if he hadn’t asked and then he’d be forgiven because Ned’s mom loves him and would let him get away with murder. Man he missed them…). Peter tried to hold in a laugh at the image of Captain America in a frilly pink laced apron and a wooden spoon in one hand and circus makeup with a tight bun and high heels.

He only half succeeded.

“Fury needed me to do something.” Peter responded vaguely, trying to fight his smile. 

“What?” Clint asked with a raised brow, like he didn’t believe him and dared him to lie again. Like a dad. Well he supposed that made sense since he was one - oh whoops he wasn’t supposed to know that…  _ technically. _

  
“Classified.” Peter repeated in the same low note Fury used and Rogers nearly  _ growled _ . Like no joke, straight up growled.

“Aww, he’s like a mini agent.” Stark mocked dully with a smug smirk and crossed his arms. Peter didn’t like that tone or that face and scrunched his nose up in slight distaste.

“I’m not an agent.” Peter reeled back in disgust. Barton almost looked offended. “I don’t work for SHIELD.” He insisted as he shook his head. He helped out sometimes but that’s all he did and all he’ll ever do. Nothing more, probably less, take it or leave cause this’ll be the best they ever get.

He is Spider-Man, it’s his thing. Helping. Kinda. Sorta. On occasion.

“Then you shouldn’t have access to classified missions.” Steve crossed his arms as if making a solid point and it _ would be… _ if it was literally anyone else.

“Key word there is:  _ shouldn’t _ .” Peter responded with a playful tint in his tone that frustrated the super soldier. 

“You went to do SHIELD business in your pajamas.” Clint wrinkles his nose in distaste at his attire and shook his head disapprovingly, Peter rolled his eyes. So they were in a particularly judged mood this morning. Subsection: petty. But then again, when were they never.

“It wasn’t a big deal. Fury called me cause he’d know I’d be awake. It’s not anything personal.” Peter responded back.

“Why would you be awake?” Steve asked in an exasperated tone and Peter looked him dead in the eyes.

“Cause I’m apparently insomnia’s bitch.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much. Yell at me on tumblr and in the comments. You all are amazing <3

**Author's Note:**

> Leave prompt suggestions if you please (I encourage it) on my tumblr (https://starrykitty013.tumblr.com) or in the comments. I’m not picky (and you will get creds for your prompt suggestions so yeah)
> 
> Chapter number will change with more prompts.
> 
> Comment your thoughts suggestions and criticism. I love to know what I did wrong.


End file.
